At Our Age, How Does Good Sex Become Great Sex?

Chat rooms often become forums for people to sound off or say inane things. Recently I was perusing them and found one that surprised me. Someone asked a very interesting question. The responses it elicited were thoughtful and insightful, never flippant.

I hope I’m not doing anything I shouldn’t by collecting some of the responses and passing them along. In any event, I’ve omitted their names.

The Guy Who Asked The Question Wrote:

“I was thinking about how a lot of women say they have great sex with younger men and that young men never seem to complain about the quality of the sex with older women. So the sex is great. But what makes it great? Is great sex a result of the emotional and mental aspect of the experience, or is it just the physical part. Or is a combination of all three?”

“The Magic Combination”

“I think spectacular sex is a combination of physical, emotional and spiritual. Mechanics alone can result in good orgasms, but when you have the other elements, sex can be transcendent (Think Tantra—the Kama Sutra is not just about positions, but about the entire spectrum of the male-female relationship). The pleasure of two bodies coming into contact in various ways, caring enough to want to please your lover, knowing that he cares enough to want to please you, trusting each other enough to say what you need, telling each other what you’re feeling, letting go until there is nothing in the universe but the two of you, and then holding on to each other in the aftermath.”

But this kind of sex is not possible without a good relationship outside the bedroom (or wherever else you might get the urge). Respect, caring, loving kindness, sensitivity to each other’s non-sexual needs, affection expressed in daily life (a kiss before leaving, a touch in passing, a phone call to say you care –these all affect the sex as well.”

“You might say this is a woman’s point of view, but I have found that men often want more than just an exchange of bodily fluids, too.”

“Yes, And…”

“What makes great sex is love, respect, communication, loyalty, at least for me anyway. Plus, we have to add on equal sex drive, technique, and listening to each other when each says what he or she wants during sex.”
“I don’t think I’d want it any other way now. I’ve gone the route of ‘wham, bam, thank you ma’am’ and that just feels empty now. I’d rather not have sex than to have it where we’re both just using each other and there’s no love or caring involved.”

“For Me it’s The Connection”

“It’s the closeness to each other, the getting so into each other that it’s all that matters at the time”.

“And to be able to laugh during sex, and trust each other enough that even when things don’t go, umm, exactly right, it’s no big deal.”

“To accept pleasure as well as give it.”

“Good vs. Great.”

“The difference between good sex and great sex? When one person wants to please and pleasure the other that’s good sex. When both people want to please and pleasure and to be pleasured, that’s great sex!”

“Love or Lust?”

“Whether you are in love or in lust, when you both feel it, want it, and both care enough to make each other feel good and take each other to the highest peak, then that’s great sex.”

“Sparks”

“Sparks are what makes good sex great. I haven’t had much experience in that department. But I am with someone now that makes the sparks fly, and oh, my God, it’s all the difference in the world to be with someone you love.

For other articles of interest to those over 50 (seniors and boomers) visit www.LetLifeIn.com. With a cutting edge and a (sometimes irreverent) sense of humor, LetLifeIn.com explores all aspects of being 50+ -- the concerns, the issues, and the controversies as well as the fun stuff.