Women who are over 50 and date younger men think society disapproves. What’s your opinion of that?

Being Gay or Lesbian and Past 50

"A small roundtable discussion between “Let Life In” (www.LetLifeIn.com) and five gay and lesbian people between 52 and 68 years old."

Being Gay or Lesbian and Past 50


Once upon a time there wasn’t a gay rights movement. Gays and lesbians were harassed by the police and ridiculed by most everyone else. Many kept their homosexuality a secret.

That was only thirty five years ago, in 1969, (the same year as Woodstock), gay activists took a stand at the Stonewall Inn in New York City and the gay rights movement began.

Most of the people who were there from the beginning, if they are still alive today, are certainly 50+, and many of them are seniors.

Thank heaven attitudes have changed. Or have they?

The following is a small roundtable discussion between “Let Life In” (www.LetLifeIn.com) and five gay and lesbian people between 52 and 68 years old. Sometimes serious and sometimes fun, we covered several areas—every thing from health care to…sex.

LetLifeIn.com: You are all gay and past 50. What’s on your minds these days?

Edward: Well, just like just about everyone in the 50+ age group -- gay or straight-- gay and lesbian seniors are concerned about their health. I don’t mean to start us off on a down note -- I don’t know about the rest of you, but the thought of relying on others for health care is very frightening to me because I know we have to turn to networks and social institutions that have not always been tolerant of us.

Ruth: I know what you mean. Gays and lesbians in general, I don’t care what your age is, still encounter negative reactions from health providers. It is especially difficult for we seniors who grew up prior to gay liberation and still remember “the bad old days.”

Ellen: In much of America and Canada, there is still overt discrimination by both the medical profession and the public in general. When we’re looking for health care, we come up against a lot of obstacles.

George: Many gay and lesbian seniors revert back to the closet-- keeping their sexual orientation hidden. Even if we are openly gay in our personal lives, I know many people who withheld that information when they needed health care.

LetLifeIn.com: I can understand that, how else is it different?

Larry: It’s much easier for heterosexual seniors. They usually can rely on their biological family as their support network. That’s not the case for gay and lesbian seniors.

Ellen: You know it. The ironic part is that gay and lesbian seniors usually have larger social networks than straight seniors yet these networks are not recognized by the so called health care professionals.

George: Also, same sex partners don’t have the same rights as family members when it comes to care-giving and even hospital visits. You know if a decision has to be made involving your partner, or even a friend, that decision is invariably given to the biological family rather than to us. As far as they’re concerned, we don’t even exist.

LetLifeIn.com: How do gay and lesbian seniors fit in with the rest of society?

Larry: It depends on where you live, what kind of job you have…

George: how rich you are.

[Laughter]

Larry: The degree to which gays and lesbians are “out” can vary. Older homosexuals are far less secure about their sexuality than those who are younger. It wasn’t as if the doors swung open and all of us danced out.

[Laughter]

Ellen: The youth-oriented culture that is often associated with gay and lesbian communities can have the unfortunate effect of isolating seniors.

Ruth: Often, closeted seniors live alone or with partners without any additional support. I know many of us feel that younger gays and lesbians who are in their 40s and 50s, you know, just a little behind us, should reach out and take on more responsibility.

LetLifeIn.com: Okay, Let’s talk about sexuality.

Ellen: Ah, lest we forget, sexuality, Sexuality, you know, is an important part of homosexuality.

[Laughter]

Ruth: The aging process brings with it special sexual problems for gays and lesbians. It’s not so easy, you know.

Edward: Unfortunately, the (male) gay community presents a particular image as the standard of attractiveness.—young and perfectly buff. If you happen to be getting on in years and still have an active libido, you are too often put down as a “troll” or a “dirty old man.”

Larry: You rang?

[Laughter]

Edward: Seriously, there is nothing wrong with being horny when you’re 20. I speak from experience. Likewise, there is nothing wrong with being horny at 50, 60, 70 or 80 either.

Ellen: Many seniors are in long term relationships. Others are out there looking.

George: We may not all be Brad Pitt, but there is nothing wrong with Sean Connery.

Larry: It’s a matter of physical fitness and a good attitude.

Ellen: Yeah! Self-acceptance is sexy.

LetLifeIn.com: It sounds like you’re saying getting old is a mixed blessing?

Edward: There may be downsides to getting old but there are plenty of rewards. I think gays and straights would agree that older lovers are more…adept.

[Laughter].

Edward: Seriously, maturing enables people to grow into their sexuality. They become more accepting, more understanding, and more willing to explore.

George: Listen, there is no denying, that in a community that puts physical attractiveness as the number one value, aging can be rough. Some who are younger, I feel, resent those they perceive to be old. Seniors are a reminder of immortality—proof that no one stays young and unwrinkled forever.

Ellen: Let’s hear it for Botox!

[Laughter]

Larry: On the other hand, some gays who are older disrespect the young ones --maybe resenting [in a somewhat haughty manner] “the unlimited horizons that was once theirs.”

50plusMag: So in the end, what really counts?

Ruth: I think we probably all agree that sex can be enjoyable at any age and that sexual energy and a beautiful body is great. But what really counts in sex is when you connect— to others and to yourself. And that only happens with “emotional generosity,” I read that once.

George: But then again, as Shakespeare once said, “Father Time is a hunk.” <<


For other articles of interest to those over 50 (seniors and boomers) visit www.LetLifeIn.com. With a cutting edge and a (sometimes irreverent) sense of humor, LetLifeIn.com explores all aspects of being 50+ -- the concerns, the issues, and the controversies as well as the fun stuff.

Cosmetic Surgery for Boomer Men. Why not?

As Newsweek noted a few months ago, baby boomers are turning 50 in droves.Maybe we are just looking in the mirror more, but suddenly we’re noticing things we didn’t notice a few years back. You know, wrinkles, frown lines, crow’s feet, droopy eyelids, baldness and double chins. “That couldn’t possibly be me,” you think. “Why do I look so old and tired?”So what’s a feller to do?Well, for one thing, more and more men in our age group are having cosmetic surgery to help them look younger and attractive. Like women, they have discovered the benefits of cosmetic surgery – both personally and professionally. Of course diet and exercise are still the most important factors when it comes to good health. But more and more, plastic surgery is moving into the mainstream of life for men over 50.Popular, routine, and affordable.The fact is, plastic surgery has become more popular, routine, and affordable. The stigma of vanity seems to be gone. People aren't afraid to admit that they're considering the idea. Hey, we don't even call it a nose job a "nose job" any more. How's that for stigma reduction?At the officeOne company CEO we know says that his decision to have a facelift was part business, part personal. Today, there are a growing number of mature business men who are concerned with not just looking more attractive but being more competitive on the job. Unfortunately, youth still rules.Let’s face it -- society still puts a premium on youth. 50-year-old executives are often competing with guys who are 20 years younger. The perception is that a 30-year-old is willing to work harder, and for lots less money. (Could it be true?)The big question.Many boomer men have voiced this thought: What’s the use of spending a lot of time at the gym and watching yout diet if you stll wind up with a tired face? No doubt about it -- baggy eyelids and a tired looking appearance affect perception of the ability to perform on the job. In the business world the feeling is if you look tired or don’t take care of yourself, you won’t keep up.On the home front.It’s not just busy business executives in fear of losing their jobs that are responsible for the boom in cosmetic surgery. Men are feeling they want to keep pace with their (younger-looking) wives. It’s only natural to think, “Now that I have a young-looking wife I better take a look at myself.”Easing into it.Men usually start out slower than women. They may start by going to hair salons instead of barber shops, having facials and other skin toning treatments, and shopping at cosmetic counters.Skin Care For MenIt is not uncommon at all for men to use moisturizers and sunscreens. Shaving can be a problem for some men whose skin can become irritated and rough. New exfoliating products and soothing creams help to reduce wrinkles and keep the skin looking younger.Taking the plunge.The logical next steps are non-surgical cosmetic procedures. That includes Botox injections, laser hair removal, microdermabrasion, chemical peels, collagen injections and laser resurfacing.Laser resurfacing. One of the newer and more popular procedures today is lasrer resurfacing. It’s specialties are leathery, sun-damaged skin and wrinkles.ZAP!The laser, also used to zap unwanted body hair and acne scars, is a major advance in the boomer man’s war against wrinkles. Its precise, controlled light beam allows surgeons to target specific areas of the face--usually around the eyes and mouth--or treat the entire face.The laser doesn't replace a facelift because it doesn't dramatically reverse sagging. However, its effect on skin surface is remarkable. Leathery, crinkly skin can become smooth as a 20 year old’s.Men seem to want what women want.Like women, men over 50 want trimmer waists and fewer wrinkles. And they want more hair on their heads. (Hair transplants top the list of the most common procedures.) We’ve come a long way, baby.Many men are now rejuvenating their faces with face, neck and eye lifts and forehead and brow lifts. They are having lasers and peels to remove the wrinkles and make their skin look younger. Some are re-sculpting their noses and undergoing liposuction, tummy tucks and even breast reductions (gynecomastia).You ain’t heard nothin’ yet!The new non-ablative lasers and tissue tightening devices such as Thermage, offer mini-lifts without surgery. Add to that new fillers such as Restylane and Perlane that now give men more choices to remove lines and wrinkles and fill in deep creases and folds.Bye-bye double chins, spare tires and love handles. The Vaser, a new liposuction procedure, eliminates double chins, spare tires, love handles and even beer bellies. The Liposuction process.Because liposuction removes localized fat that doesn’t respond to diet and exercise, it is one of the best procedures to help men attain the body shape they want. When working out isn’t enough.Many men who are over 50 work out and take care of their health but find they still have extra fat around the mid-section or back. Because liposuction removes localized fat that doesn’t respond to diet and exercise, it is one of the best procedures to help men in those areas.The “Endo” brow-lift.The endoscopic brow lift is a fairly new, minimal-incision technique that removes deep vertical lines between the brows. (Scowlers, take note.} Surgeons use an endoscope, a narrow instrument hooked up to a video monitor, and do the entire operation through several tiny slits near the scalp line.Small incisions mean faster recovery time, less hair loss, less nerve damage, and smaller scars. (The scars are so minimal that even balding men can have the surgery.) It’s amazing. Who would’ve thought the upper third part of the face contributes so much to appearance.Chests, calves, buttocks, thighs, arms and abdomens.Boomer Men are also having pectoral implants to increase the size of their chests and calf implants (I’m embarrassed to write this) for more shapely legs.Body contouring to lift the buttocks, thigh, arms and abdomen help to reshape the body and remove excess, hanging skin. This procedure is especially useful after weight loss of 50 to 100 pounds or more, and is becoming more common.Before you decide to do anything…Read up on the procedure you are interested in and find out if it's really right for you. Get the details on what will happen before, during and after surgery. How long is the recovery time? What are the medical risks and aftereffects?If you have questions (and you SHOULD} call the American Society of Plastic and Reconstructive Surgeons (ASPRS) which represents 97 percent of all physicians certified by the American Board of Plastic Surgery. Their Plastic Surgery Information Hotline is: 1-800-635-0635. You'll get reading material and a referral to resources in or near where you live.

For other articles of interest to those over 50 (seniors and boomers) visit www.LetLifeIn.com. With a cutting edge and a (sometimes irreverent) sense of humor, LetLifeIn.com explores all aspects of being 50+ -- the concerns, the issues, and the controversies as well as the fun stuff.

Sexual Secrets of a Gigolo

"Jeremy (not his real name) is a professional paid “escort,” a Gigolo. His specialty is older women. Jeremy is 38 years old. His “clients," between 50 and 70."

www.LetLifeIn.com Interview by Gary Geyer

LetLifeIn: Welcome Jeremy. Thank you for meeting with me.

Jeremy: It’s my pleasure.

LetLifeIn: Jeremy, all your clients are past 50 and you are just 38. Is that just a coincidence?

Jeremy: No, No. I’m actually attracted to mature women. I find them easier to talk to and be with. And I must admit, the fact that they are attracted to me is great for my ego.

LetLifeIn: Jeremy, I don’t know how to ask this question tactfully. You use the term “gigolo.” Aren’t you really a male prostitute?

Jeremy: No. Not at all. And don’t worry -- I’m not offended. A prostitute is generally for sex only. Slam bam, you know. A gigolo is, I’m speaking for myself, someone who is very much concerned with giving his client pleasure. Sexual pleasure, yes—but also understanding her as a woman --- her wishes, her desires; what she likes and what she doesn’t.

Her agenda becomes my agenda. I think of myself as someone who represents the best in men in both character and sexual skill. I always conduct myself in a way so that I bring credit to myself and pleasure to my clients.

LetLifeIn: What makes you good at what you do?

Jeremy: Well, that’s a good question. How much time have you got?

LetLifeIn: Plenty. Go on –don’t worry.

Jeremy: I think the most important thing is that I am attentive. I pay attention to what the woman I’m with is saying as well as what her body language is saying. I think sometimes the body language is far more honest than the words.

LetLifeIn: What else?

Jeremy: I compliment her often. I make her feel special. It’s always about her. Never about me. I’m not the kind of guy who struts around drawing the attention. I make sure she gets it.

LetLifeIn: I don’t know, Jeremy. You look like a pretty spiffy guy.

Jeremy: I believe I should present myself well. I dress nicely – never in jeans, my nails are clean and manicured. I speak softly, but confidently. I’m always a gentlemen, although in the bedroom I am sometimes asked to be otherwise. (We’ll save that for another interview—editor)

LetLifeIn: Do you have any special tricks you use?

Jeremy: Yes, but I don’t think of them as tricks. It’s more like technique. I spend a lot of time looking at her eyes, rather than her other features. I try to look at her and think what she must have looked like when she was seventeen –instead of 55 or 60. I try to rekindle that feeling of youth that lies dormant in most mature women.

LetLifeIn: Do you ever talk dirty too them?

Jeremy: Rarely. Never in conversation, but sometimes in bed, if asked.

LetLifeIn: Okay Jeremy, since you brought it up, let’s talk about “in bed,” if you don’t mind. What’s your secret?

Jeremy: No secret, really. First, I try to get her to relax and feel real comfortable. I caress her and talk softly. I gently kiss and nibble on all her sensitive places. I ask her to be honest with me and tell me her sexual fantasies. I ask for her sexual wish list, so to speak, and nod approvingly at everything she says. I tell her how sexy she looks and how she really turns me on. You’d be surprised how often I hear that the men they know rarely do this.

I take my time—do everything verrry slowly. I get her to a high level of excitement… I use my tongue….my fingers. I make it unbearable. I urge her to surrender…to let go. I never let go myself until she reaches the absolute height of her sexual experience.

When we are finished I tell her what a great lover she is –the best.

LetLifeIn: Whew! I’m exhausted. So at the days end you are satisfied with a job well done.

Jeremy: Yes. I think being a gigolo is an honorable profession. The rewards are many ---not just the money.

LetLifeIn: Thanks Jeremy, for being so open with us. I think I’ve learned a few things.

Jeremy: Thank you, too. May I leave you a few of my cards? <<<

What do you think of the idea of an older person paying for a younger “escort?” Please tell us. Gary@LetLifeIn.com

For other articles of interest to those over 50 (seniors and boomers) visit www.LetLifeIn.com. With a cutting edge and a (sometimes irreverent) sense of humor, LetLifeIn.com explores all aspects of being 50+ -- the concerns, the issues, and the controversies as well as the fun stuff.

Being Sting: A Tough Job but Somebody’s Got to do it.

Showbiz: “He's a multimillionaire rock super-star with one of the happiest marriages in the business. Plus, he's super-dad to six children. But is he happy?"

Sting was born in 1951. Before he was Sting he was Gordon Sumner. His father was a milkman and his mother a hairdresser. When “Gordie” was eight he was up at 4 AM delivering pints of milk with his father.

Sting described his parents as being reserved and uncommunicative. Mealtime conversation was limited to "Pass the salt." Love, he says, was “guessed at rather than expressed.”

Goodbye Gordon, hello Sting


Sting left home when he was 19 and became a teacher. He was given the name ‘Sting’ because of the bee-like quality of a black and yellow sweater he used to wear when he played in jazz bands at nights and weekends.

"My father never could call me Sting -- he never quite understood what I became. He had aspirations for me that I never realized -- he wanted me to work in a bank.”

Writing as therapy

Sting claims that writing his recent book, Broken Music: a Memoir, was very therapeutic for him because it gave him a chance to go back over everything and write it down. Sting said that he found that writing about his life at the age of 50 enabled him to be grateful for his parents, love them and tell their story proudly. “I wouldn't have been able to do that if I was younger - I needed to be a certain age and have the perspective and life wisdom that it brings," he said.

“I'm still in touch with my parents in a psychological way. In situations where something wonderful happens to you, they are still there as part of my consciousness. It makes my current life seem even more extraordinary.”

Personal songs

Many of Sting's own biggest hits have been songs written at periods of emotional turmoil - the break-up of his first marriage, the death of both his parents within a year of each other. He has spoken in the past about his need to channel emotion – “Disguise it as pop music,” he has said. “Melancholy is not a bad thing.”

Advice to young musicians

"I tell them you probably won't make it," he says. "But that the spiritual journey you go through to become a musician is a soul-nourishing job. The chances of becoming rich and famous are slim, but that's not important. What's important is doing the job and working at it for your own sake."

Speaking of pop music…

As a father he says (somewhat ironically), that he is suspicious of the role of pop music in today's culture. "Pop is basically about sex. It sells sex to children who have no ability to understand it.”

Speaking of sex… what about all that talk about Tantric sex?

Despite the rumors, Sting claims that he and his wife Trudie do not engage in sessions of Tantric sex. He says that he doesn't even know what the phrase means and that the story came about as a result of being misquoted at a party.

Hallucinogenic drugs

He does, however admit to taking hallucinogenic drugs. Sting was offered an herbal tea to put him into a spiritual trance while campaigning for the protection of the Brazilian rainforest and living with the Brazilian Indians.


"It's a substance they've used for thousands of years," he says. "You drink a cup of this horrible liquid. The first time I took it I had an hour of mortal terror and then a good hour crying for everything in my life - relationships I'd had with my parents, my family, my wives, my girlfriends and my children. That's when I first decided to write about my life."

Success, wealth and housing (X7)

Sting is one of the world’s most successful musicians but won’t discuss either his success or how rich he is. He does not mind people knowing that he owns seven homes - two in London, one in Los Angeles and one in New York; Then, there’s a 20-room 600 acre estate in Tuscany, his family's main 60 acre residence in Wiltshire and a house in the Lake District (England).

He says that he uses all of his houses and that it is important for him to have them. He explains it this way: "I spent a quarter of a century living out of a suitcase traveling through hotels on tour. It's far nicer if you can go back to your own home instead with a few books that are yours, some art on the walls that you bought and sit on your own furniture.”

No sign of a mid-life crisis

Although Sting is 54 years old, he says he doesn’t believe he is at the so called middle-aged ‘mid-life crisis’ stage just yet. He says, “I feel like I'm as curious as I was when I was 14.” He adds, “I've got as much energy.”

Living normal

He was quoted as saying, "I want to live as normally as possible and I demand my right to walk around in a normal way, without protection or bodyguards. I go out and get the newspapers in the morning, I walk the dogs and I demand respect from people on the street. Not as Sting, but as a guy who's got the same right to be there as anyone else in the community. I'm a citizen, if you like, and I have citizen's rights."

Being 54

Sting is extremely fit from many of hours of yoga each week. He probably looks better now than he ever has. He has some grey streaks in his short (and thinning) hair but that's the only sign of his age.

Now, an apparently perfect life

Life now for Sting is apparently perfect - he combines being a rock super-star with being a multimillionaire super-dad to six children. He seems to be enjoying what has been called, one of the happiest marriages in show business.

(God knows where he finds his 'melancholy' these days.)

“I am happier in my skin than when I was 22.” I’m not just saying that,

I really am.” <<

For other articles of interest to those over 50 (seniors and boomers) visit www.LetLifeIn.com. With a cutting edge and a (sometimes irreverent) sense of humor, LetLifeIn.com explores all aspects of being 50+ -- the concerns, the issues, and the controversies as well as the fun stuff.